Curiosity and The Art of Receiving

Curiosity is a door opener to the unknown. Instead of doing the same thing, thinking the same thoughts, feeling the familiar — what would it be like if you approached your day with a curious mind and a willingness to let in the unexpected, the uninvited, the un-thought of?

I have a saying: Receive everything—decide later, which reminds me to be open to possibilities instead of closing the doors too quickly before I’ve had the opportunity to sit with something new.

Today, be curious about what crosses your path and save your assessments for tomorrow.

Acceptance

No matter what you would like to be different in your life, do yourself a big favor and accept where things are right here, right now. It’s relaxing to receive yourself, the people in your life and life itself. And, it is easier to make changes from this vantage point because you have clarity about your circumstances.

Make a point today to relax, accept, and get a good aerial view.

Receive!

The Power of Receiving and Gratitude

Gratitude is a receptive state. Those of you who have read my book, The Power of Receiving,  know all about the benefits of a maintaining a regular gratitude practice. One of my workshop participants just sent me this beautiful video about gratitude. Enjoy!

The Art of Receiving in a Season of Giving

I just finished reading the January feature article with Oprah and Dr. Oz. and read with interest Oprah’s response to Dr. Oz when she said, “For years I’ve been writing in this magazine, what I know for sure is that I need more balance. I’m not going to keep saying it until I can create it.”

Dr. Oz replied, “Very fair. If you can figure it out, it should be one of our 28 days to better health because that’s one thing I have no idea how to fix.”

I think a lot of people are mystified about how to achieve balance in the midst of the multitasking mayhem that is such a feature of modern life. I am convinced that this imbalance occurs because people don’t know how to receive.

When you think about it, how can you create a balanced life when you believe activity is the only way to achieve your goals and to get things done?

During the holidays, you may have more on your plate than usual. Embracing receptivity will give you breathing room. “How do I do that?” you may ask. (Isn’t it interesting that even though every Giver has a Receiver, we are familiar with the benefits of giving and unknowledgeable about the benefits of receiving? That’s 50% of the give/receive equation!)

In this season of giving and receiving, it’s more important than ever bring these two into balance. Here is a formula you can adopt to get you started.

Want. Ask. Receive.

1. Want: Be receptive to your inner life, to your feelings. There is nothing wrong with wanting something for yourself, whether it’s a moment of quiet, an extra hour of sleep, or appreciation from those to whom you give.

2. Ask: Once you know what you want, you must ask for it. People are not mind-readers! Sometimes the answer will be no. But many times the answer will be yes. The point of asking is not to control the outcome. The point is to get used to including you and your desires in your relationships.

3. Receive: Express your appreciation when people give something to you, whether it is a compliment, a gift, or encouragement. Gratitude is one of the ways you give back to the person who has given to you.

During this holiday season, give generously and receive graciously. Be helpful to others but let them be there for you too. Not only will you feel better and have more energy, you will create more reciprocity in your relationships and balance in your life. And that is a great way to start the New Year.

Three Simple Steps to Beat Holiday Stress

The holidays are around the corner and there will be plenty to do from getting holiday cards in the mail, buying gifts, attending office parties and cooking special meals. That means you will be giving even more of yourself and time than usual. As efficient as you are at multitasking, you may wonder how and why the holidays have become such a stressful time of year for you. To ensure that you have a less stressful holiday, there is something you can do however—receive!

From an early age, we’re taught about the importance of giving; we learn that a good person gives to others and places the needs of others before one’s own. What we’re not taught is how important it is to learn to receive. Too often, we are reluctant to embrace philosophies and behaviors that put our needs above, or even equal to, those of others for fear of being viewed as selfish. When this happens, the difference between what we give and what we receive becomes too great, and we end up overworked, overstressed and unfulfilled.

During the holidays it’s more important than ever to take care of yourself. You can do that by balancing what you give with what you receive. Here are three steps to get you started.

1. Delegate

You already know there is so much more to you than being everyone’s helper. Even Cinderella learned this lesson and look at what she received—a fairy godmother, a great dress and a handsome prince! The truth is, if you do not see your time and health as valuable, no one else will either. That won’t change until you ask people to do their share. What you will receive in return is not only much more energy, but also plenty of holiday spirit. Here are a few examples of balancing your giving with receiving:

Give                                                                 Receive

You cook a holiday meal                                Your kids set the table
You let your sister borrow the car          She puts gas in the car
You buy gifts for the relatives                Family members wrap the gifts
You grocery shop                                  Your child puts the groceries away
You wash the dishes                              Your spouse takes out the garbage
You drive to grandma’s                         Your son loads up the car
You buy dog food                                    Your daughter walks the dog

2. Receive Compliments

When people pay you a compliment, do you downplay what they are saying about you? Or do you thank them? If someone wants to do something for you, do you say something like, “Oh, you don’t need to do that! I can handle it myself!” Many people are uncomfortable accepting compliments and then wonder why people aren’t kinder or don’t help them out more. Receiving something as simple as a compliment is a huge statement about your willingness to receive the good things in life. Even if you are uncomfortable accepting a compliment, kind words or a gift, note that feeling and receive it. But still say, “Thank you.” Here are a few ways to graciously respond:

Thanks for the cookies!
What a thoughtful gift! Thank You!
It’s so nice of you to notice my new dress!
I am grateful for your offer to take the packages to the post office!
How sweet of you to let me know how much you appreciate me!
How lovely of you to acknowledge my hard work!
Thanks for your offer to help me prepare the meal!

3. Count Your Blessings

To be grateful is to be receptive to life’s givingness, life’s abundance. Gratitude is a state of mind, a way of seeing life, of noticing and relating to life. There are those who have an overall attitude of gratitude. Conversely, some people are rarely grateful—even when people bend over backward to give to them. Appreciation and gratitude come from inside a person as a way of looking at life, as a way of being in life. It is completely independent of external circumstances. Start a journal where you can record every day at least five things for which you feel grateful. Here are a few ideas to get you started.

I am grateful my son is home for the holidays.
I am grateful my children are happy.
I am grateful that my husband has a job.
I am grateful I have such supportive friends.
I am grateful that my sister is content in her life.
I am grateful I am healthy.
I am grateful my mother is involved in my children’s lives.

The holidays can feel like a marathon. Through all of the season’s peaks and valleys, there are people who help make this time a little brighter and a lot more fun. When you ask others to pitch in and do their fair share, respond graciously to compliments, and regularly count your blessings, you not only strengthen your relationship bonds, you discover that people will give to you as much as you give to them. You create a two-way street, giving sometimes and receiving at other times.

This holiday season make sure you receive as much as you give. You will reduce stress and feel healthier in mind, body and spirit. You can start right now! Close your eyes and imagine you are relaxing at home watching your favorite holiday movie while your spouse makes dinner and your children set the table. As you reflect on the past year and get ready to ring in the New Year, you sigh with contentment. Life is good.

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Amanda Owen is the author of “The Power of Receiving: A Revolutionary Approach to Giving Yourself the Life You Want and Deserve” (Tarcher/Penguin). Visit her on line at www.ThePowerofReceiving.com

Seven Goal-Writing Tips That Will Lead You to Your Dreams

I used to chase after my goals as if they were prey and I was the hunter. Whether I focused with laser-like intensity, wrote a detailed grammatically correct wish-list or made bargains with God, I was a person who was on task. No half-hearted attempts from me!

When the goal-object of my affection—whether a desired writing project, a person or other goals—didn’t manifest, I would try to figure out what had gone wrong, what I could improve. Then, like Sisyphus rolling that boulder up the mountain, I would gather my energy for another try. It never occurred to me that only 50% was required from me to manifest my goal.

Most of us have been taught that if you want something, you should go after it. And it’s true that without initiative and activity, you will have a hard time accomplishing much of anything. But have you ever wondered what your goal wants from you?

If you think of your goal as checking you out to see if you are a good fit, it makes sense that being attractive to your goal is just as important as concentrating on what you want.

Follow these seven goal-writing tips and you will be well on your way to achieving your dreams.

1. Write Down Only One Goal

The reason that I advise starting with only one goal is so that you can give it your undivided attention. Many, many goals never get enough umph to manifest simply because too little attention is paid to them. If you focus on several goals at the same time, it’s a bit like double-dating. Can you blame a goal for feeling lukewarm about you or wanting to find someone else—someone who will appreciate it and give it lots of attention?

2. Write Down Your Goal in One Sentence

Writing your goal in one sentence forces you to be clear about what you want. People love it when you are concise. Nobody likes to play guessing games or to be held hostage listening to a long rambling list of requests or demands! It’s the same with your goal. So make sure your sentence is specific and concise.

3. Give Your Goal a Time Frame

Deadlines give you something to aim for whether you are training for a marathon, planning a wedding or finishing a work project. A goal is more likely to spring into action when it has ten days to deliver than if it has an unlimited amount of time to get it done.

4. Your Goal Should Be Simple and Specific

The more specific you are, the more your goal has to work with. This is true for any conversation or any relationship. But too much information up front can be a bit arduous for your goal. If you are on a first date, for example, and your date presents a long list of requirements that include specifics about love-making ability, plans for children and salary must-haves, would you think twice about seeing that person again?

5. Don’t Get Hung Up on How Your Goal Is Worded

If it’s not spelled correctly or the grammar is incorrect and you have a double negative in your sentence, don’t worry about it unless your goal is to be an English teacher. Just start the process.

6. Your Goal Should Be Measurable

You need to know when you have actually achieved your goal. For example, if your goal is to get a job, you will know whether you have a job or you don’t. If your goal is to be happy or to feel good, ask yourself how you will know that you have reached your goal.

7. Don’t Limit Yourself

Don’t decide ahead of time that your goal is unrealistic. Write exactly what you want. You are starting a relationship with your goal. You and the goal will work out some of the finer details as you get to know one another.

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Once you write your goal down, set it aside. You are now in a relationship with your goal. Be a good partner; be kind and considerate. Listen carefully so that you can receive what your goal is saying to you.

My boulder-rolling days are behind me. I now know that I am in charge of 50% and my goal has the other 50%. And I am always interested and eager to hear what my goal wants from me. It’s a relief to have the input and help!

What does your goal want from you?