A friend told me recently about the miracle that occurred when she stopped being 100% available to her family members. Weeks before, she had complained about their lack of appreciation for all that she did for them.
Stop being so available, I said. Just go about your business. Don’t make a fuss. Don’t announce your intention. Just go on with your day and don’t let their requests and demands interrupt what you are doing – even if you are sitting on the couch reading a magazine. Just because you aren’t doing anything “important,” it doesn’t mean you are available to them.
I have a saying: The only possible match for someone who doesn’t know how to receive is someone who doesn’t know how to give.
When you over-give and over-do, you don’t create reciprocal relationships.
This is what my friend told me about what had happened: “First they were surprised, then they were upset, then they were considerate of me and respectful of my time. Now they ask what they can do for me!”
It will feel unnatural to stop being available when you are used to being on autopilot. But that’s when the magic happens. That’s when you get the relationships you want.