Don’t Be So Available

Create a pathway for those you help to give backA friend told me recently about the miracle that occurred when she stopped being 100% available to her family members. Weeks before, she had complained about their lack of appreciation for all that she did for them.

Stop being so available, I said. Just go about your business. Don’t make a fuss. Don’t announce your intention. Just go on with your day and don’t let their requests and demands interrupt what you are doing – even if you are sitting on the couch reading a magazine. Just because you aren’t doing anything “important,” it doesn’t mean you are available to them.

I have a saying: The only possible match for someone who doesn’t know how to receive is someone who doesn’t know how to give.

When you over-give and over-do, you don’t create reciprocal relationships.

This is what my friend told me about what had happened: “First they were surprised, then they were upset, then they were considerate of me and respectful of my time. Now they ask what they can do for me!”

It will feel unnatural to stop being available when you are used to being on autopilot. But that’s when the magic happens. That’s when you get the relationships you want.

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2 thoughts on “Don’t Be So Available

  1. Dear Amanda,
    I purchased your book on Kindle after a strong repeated set of intuitive messages. Inspite of being a good receiver of intuition, I keep feeling my receiving is messed up. In your book, I’m hoping to discover where that feeling comes from.
    I’m at step two. It’s so funny but I have this belief that the money I’m grateful for something, that thing vanishes from my life. Have you encountered this? Just curious.
    Also you mention that there is no less or more in gratefulness. However there are times I feel naturally grateful and times when the thank yous don’t carry any energy. So I’m a little unsure of what you’ve mentioned and struggling with this understanding.
    Interestingly you talk about setting goals. I always thought goals were a part of doership! I also loved how you pointed out that we read books with exercises but don’t do them. That shows how we don’t receive the full potential of the book I understand. :-) thank you for that pointer!
    Reading more. Take care.

  2. Thanks for your comment, Deepti.
    Your first question about why something you are grateful for disappears — Later in the book, a couple of exercises will help you discover what is happening. The “Send Cinderella to Rehab” exercise and the “Monster Celebration” should enlighten you.
    When I mention gratitude having the same effect, I am talking about actual gratitude rather than just the words “thank you.”
    I hope my answers have been helpful. Thanks for letting me know you are reading my book.
    I always enjoy reading your blog posts.
    Amanda

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